Men are still cheating more than women (although women are catching up, say experts). Not even newlyweds, who should still be in the honeymoon phase, are immune to infidelity. Many people in their first year of marriage call Raymond C. Ranno, a private investigator running R.C. Ranno Investigative Services LLC in Middletown, Conn., says Ranno, to investigate their new husbands and wives. “It’s easier to get divorced than it is to get married nowadays,” he says. “The oath meant something more before.”
Suspecting your husband of cheating, whether you’ve been married a day or 50 years, is like being stuck in a nightmare from which you cannot wake. Accusing your spouse of infidelity without any proof can destroy your marriage because it shows a lack of trust. But not paying attention to warning signs is a mistake, too.
“Marriage is a difficult thing, and I never cease to be amazed by the type of person who commits infidelity,” says Ranno. “They take the risk of ruining good lives for the opportunity to have sex once or develop a relationship on the side.”
If there’s any hope of saving your marriage (not to mention yourself), you need to know whether an affair is actually happening, says Janis Abrahms Spring, a clinical psychologist in private practice in Westport, Conn. And author of After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful (Harper Paperbacks, 1997). “You can always hire a private investigator. I suggest doing it,” she says. “People need the truth.”
Whether you choose to hire a private investigator is up to you. Remember that if your husband is being faithful, and he discovers you didn’t trust him, you’ll be putting your marriage at risk then, too. Before you let paranoia get the best of you check for some of the other warning signs that he might be cheating. Here are the warning signs that your husband is cheating
1. Secret Behavior with Cell Phones and Computers
Your husband once was an open book. He told you everything, even to whom he said hello at the supermarket. Now, he’s holding back. He is shutting off his cell phone or putting it on vibrate and taking calls in the bathroom with the door closed. He shuts down his computer when you walk in the room or he keeps it locked from prying eyes with passwords. He might be keeping a hidden e-mail account, says Ranno. Maybe he gets calls at strange hours, says Mark Chauppetta, a private investigator based in Brockton, Mass. Funny things could be happening on your husband’s Facebook page. A spouse with something to hide can’t be trusted.
2. New Obsession with His Looks
Perhaps, your husband was the type who spent Saturday afternoon lounging on the couch in his sweatpants, and now he’s getting dressed up and disappearing for a few hours on his day off. If he has suddenly gone from couch potato to gym jock, something fishy might be going on. An unusual or excessive amount of attention to one’s looks could be a sign of an affair, says Spring. Your husband might not just be trying to emulate David Beckham and other pretty boys; he could be beautifying himself for other ladies.
3. Change in Sexual Behavior
This is a tricky warning sign. Both more sex and less sex are signs that your husband could be cheating, says Chauppetta. Changes in sexual performance, including a desire to try things, such as various sexual positions, you’ve never done before can indicate your husband is cheating, says Spring. If you used to do it like rabbits and now your husband barely kisses you hello, he might be getting sex elsewhere or he could be feeling guilty about an affair, which is keeping him from you. The level of intimacy in your marriage is something couples continually have to work on, and changes in sexual behavior could have other implications, such as mental or physical health problems. That’s why you should never ignore sex problems.
4. Unexplained Absences and Fuzzy Details
A husband who is gone for long periods of time without explanation or offers you little detail about his whereabouts could be trying to hide something from you, says Spring. For example, she says, that a husband who tells you he has a business trip in San Francisco but can’t give you hotel details before leaving is probably lying. (Indeed, the majority of Chauppetta’s infidelity cases have his crew following people on business trips, he says.) Extra time spent with the boys or at work can also be signs of an affair.
Your spouse might be lying if he is sweaty, looking away from you, turning the table on you, or unusually nervous, says Chauppetta. You’ll eventually catch your spouse in the lie, he says, because often cheaters talk too much. “If you’re going to cheat, you shouldn’t tell anyone,” says Chauppetta. “When people cheat, however, they start to have feelings, and that’s the problem.”
5. Mood Swings
Affairs and the guilt that sometimes comes with them can cause all sorts of emotional turmoil and stress. As a result, cheaters can go from blissfully happy to downright grouchy in zero to 60. If you’re noticing extreme mood swings, says Spring, your spouse might be having an affair. Arguments that erupt over nothing, unusually cranky behavior, and even extreme, out-of-the-blue happiness might all be signs of infidelity.
6. Your Own Gut
Often, spouses will have a sensation deep inside them that something has changed with their partner. Often, your gut will tell you the whole story, says Chauppetta. People sometimes ignore their own intuition because it doesn’t seem like solid evidence. But you know your husband. “Spouses know their partner better than anyone else does,” says Chauppetta. “Look for things that are out of the norm.” And listen to your gut when it tells you something is wrong.
Source: www.newlyweds.about.com
f you think your spouse is cheating and would like to hire and investigator or rent a GPS Vehicle Tracking System to catch them in the act, contact Detective Raymond C. Ranno today!!
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