For those of you who live under a rock, the first portion of The Real Housewives of New Jersey‘s much anticipated reunion episode aired last night, and from the first 30 seconds on it was pretty much a shit storm of Danielle Staub denying that she said things six seconds after she said them, crazy coke fucking whore delusions, and our personal hero Caroline Manzo keeping it real (and FIERCE) without losing an ounce of class! However, what’s gotten everyone talking is something that happened relatively early on involving our favorite loose cannon, Teresa Guidice. What started off as a mildly bitchy cat fight between Danielle and Jacqueline Laurita over Jafar not congratulating her former friend over the birth of her son turned borderline INSANE when the Prostitution Whore set her sights on Teresa, and this little gem of malice and instability slithered out of her lips, “Did you acknowledge your nephew? Did you?”
That statement sent Teresa off the wall and into a serious rage blackout, but before it could get physical, host Andy Cohen, pulled the plug! Everything had to be halted. Teresa cooled her cooter, Andy Cohen changed out of his soiled pants, Caroline rolled her eyes, poor, sweet Jacqueline wondered what her life would have been like if she never left Las Vegas, Danielle pretended to be a lesbian and did some ridiculous mantra backstage for attention, and the show moved along without acknowledging the situation further.
Everyone is now wondering what the eff kind of crazy Miz Jafar was talking about, so we put our sleuthing hats on and get investigating! There have been MANY rumblings in the Housewives‘ town that Teresa’s bankrupt husband, Joe Giudice, has been seeing a lady on the side, and may have even fathered a child with her! The woman, who is only known thus far as Tara G., apparently lives in a condo, is supported by Joe and openly displays photos of the two together.
All of this was uncovered by the evil Prostitution Whore, who allegedly used the Private Investigator she pretended to employ on the show to locate her birth mother – whom we’re still PRAYING, in a brilliant twist by BRAVO, is actually her nightmarish frenemy Kim G. – to actually dig up dirt on the Manzos, the Giudices, and Laurita!
Of course, this could be another crazy, out of control fantasy that trickled out of whatever is left of Danielle’s unstable, drug and STD addled brain, but either way, we could certainly understand why Teresa lost it the way she did – especially if it’s being falsely spread all over their town! We knew that Coke Fucking Whore would go out with a bang! Certainly makes for interesting television! But at the end of the day, we’re thrilled this psychopath will be off the show! She clearly has no conscience or empathy for anyone or anything beyond what services her immediate needs!
If you think your spouse is cheating and would like to hire and investigator or rent a GPS Vehicle Tracking System to catch them in the act, contact Detective Raymond C. Ranno today!!
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