On-Line affairs: Most people who end up having an on-line affair do so, at first, unsuspectingly. Most times people with an excessive amount of time on their hands or people that have become addicted to using their computers end up having on-line affairs. The affair seems innocent at first and then modifies into an on-line relationship or sexual release. Once a cheater that is having an on-line affair is caught by their spouse or significant other the impact can be as devastating as if they were caught having a sexual affair.
Another term for an on-line affair is, “Cyber-Sex”. The definition for a cyber-affair is “Cyber-sex, computer sex, or internet sex (also colloquially called cybering) is a virtual sex encounter in which two or more persons connected remotely via computer network send each other sexually explicit messages describing a sexual experience. It is a form of sexual roleplay in which the participants pretend they are having actual sexual relations. In one iteration, this fantasy sex is accomplished by the participants describing their actions and responding to their chat partners in a mostly written form designed to stimulate their own sexual feelings and fantasies.”(1)
A second definition for a cyber-affair or cyber-sex is what happens when two people who have never met in real life take part in an online communication that crosses the line of appropriate behavior. Appropriate behavior is in the eye of the beholder. Each person determines their own level of appropriate behavior as the actual act of secretly communicating with another person in any manner, especially in a sexual manner, crosses the line of the commitment that cheater made with their spouse or significant other.
The amount of individuals having on-line affairs have increased immensely over the years as the internet age has become a feeding ground for information, good and bad. Pornography viewing has become a common part of many people’s lives, men and women, as they can now do so from the comfort of their own home as opposed to having to go to a store and purchase the embarrassing magazines. Because of that freedom, and the increasing demand for people in committed relationships seeking to have affairs with other people, new websites, email programs and community chat rooms have opened at incredible rates. Current and new examples of these types of chat rooms and email groups would be the following: Affairmatch.com, MarriedSecrets.com, LocalSex.com, AshleyMadison.com and AdultFriendFinder.com. There are many hundred more just like this and adults find themselves intrigued by such sites.
Cheaters that begin an on-line affair usually do so by visiting the on line email groups or community chat rooms. They find it a bit interesting and maybe a little dangerous having chat communications with other people. When men usually get involved they immediately go for the sexual rooms or the lesbian rooms as they are seeking instant gratification from the chatting and want to immediately start chatting sex with any woman they can find. Usually they are snubbed or sent on their way and they leave the chat rooms, however, when they eventually find a chat partner that is willing to continue the erotic banter, they become hooked by the idea that they have a woman who is sexually driven and interested in them. Men will usually continue the sexual chat with the woman, or in this day and age, man until the other party wants to meet. The man will then either terminate the chat and try to find another chat partner, or will agree to meet the person. Once that occurs, then the type of affair modifies. Women, many times housewives, having much time on their hands during the day, find a chat room that is innocent. It may be a community type of chat room or a chat room for parents or for favorite cooking recipes or, sometimes, a sexually driven meeting place for individuals looking for more. Either way, the communication will usually start off innocent as the woman is chatting in group environment. After the woman finds a chat partner that she has begun to develop a closer relationship with, she and the male, or female, will then move to a private chat room. Once that move to the private room occurs, things move a bit quicker. The two begin to immediately ask each other personal questions to get to know each other better. The next thing that occurs is the woman is confronted with an increase of sexual questions. Once that personal line is crossed and if the woman takes the bait, then a sexual banter begins. Sometimes, even if the chatting does not turn sexual, the woman may divulge information about her self, intimate or personal information, that she may not have even shared with her spouse or significant other. Because of the intimate conversations that occur and with the exchange of information that the woman is sharing with her adulterous partner and not her spouse, the woman can sometimes feel that they may have found their soul mate. A delusion that occurs from the lack of connection with their spouse or significant other and because they need a reason to justify their feelings, the woman uses the soul mate reasoning.
More common with women than men, this type of relationship can continue for a long time. Woman can deny any wanted meeting between the two and continue the on-line relationship as she does not want to cheat on her spouse or significant other and may not even realize that what she is doing is considered cheating. A man, on the other hand, knows that what he is doing is wrong as there is usually no slow lead into the relationship.
Author: Detective Raymond C. Ranno
(1) definition source: (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cybersex)
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